You are Orange. You are outgoing and optomistic. You always try to
find the bright spot in everything. You are
energetic and people are naturally attracted to
you. However, you are not always sure of what
your purpose or goals are. Most Compatible With: Fresh Mint

Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You?
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Sometimes you just need to sit back, and watch some strongbad emails...Hahahaha...look at im go! 
ah-h *sigh*

 

Oh, what am I looking for...

You are Form 3, Unicorn: The Innocent. "And The Unicorn knew she wasn't meant to
go into the Dark Wood. Disregarding the advice
given to her by the spirits, Unicorn went
inside and bled silver blood.. For her
misdeed, the world knew evil." Some examples of the Unicorn Form are Eve
(Christian) and Pandora (Greek). The Unicorn is associated with the concept of
innocence, the number 3, and the element of
water. Her sign is the twilight sun. As a member of Form 3, you are a curious
individual. You are drawn to new things and
become fascinated with ideas you've never come
in contact with before. Some people may say
you are too nosey, but it's only because you
like getting to the bottom of things and
solving them. Unicorns are the best friends to
have because they are inquisitive.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
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rrgh...I was just reading through some old messages I wrote to The Sleeze Bag (he gets a capitalized title)...and oh, how pathetic I was.  I would beat him down, justly, for his saying insulting things to me, and the next message would be, "I'm sorry for saying those things" as though it were my fault!  Man...I was absolutely...stupid.

I remember once, after he wrote me saying I "should" take off my clothes for him, I chewed him out in reply, but apparently left out just how disgusted I was...and how disturbing it was to walk with him the next day.  And he obviously couldn't read because he asked afterward if I was mad at him.  The real answer: hell yes.  The one I gave him: well...no.  And then i even said some idiotical shit about him having an excuse because he was a boy?!?  What the fuck was wrong with me...

"That's good," he said.  "Cause I hate to run a match knowing someone's mad at me."

Oh, wouldn't want to fuck up your match, would I?  let me apologize..

Jesus, I was...utterly confused...to put it SO lightly.  I'm more glad than I can express that he's out of my life, and yet the regret is still there, and some things spark disturbing reminders. 
...and the fact that that's possible, now, that such a disgusting low down person as he is still haunting me won't allow me to forgive him.  He told Erin a long time ago that his family was known for two things: artistic talent (my ass) and manipulation. 

"Well you're obviously the odd one out," she replied. "Because you don't have either of those traits."

I was wrong, she told me later, he's a manipulative son of a bitch.



and he's the only person in my life...that I truly hate...because the thought of him makes me hate myself, for putting up with it.


So I used to worry that it was a weakness of mine, to bend before those I admired or loved enough never to want to upset or even annoy.  I've been aware of making myself subordinate to others, and after catching myself I get a little scared.  Just what would I do?  Will I let them walk all over me without so much of a word?  However, I do think I've gotten much stronger since the ordeal with michael, I certainly learned something.  I just don't know why I didn't trust my feelings.  They were so strong and I ignored them...why? because I was afraid too much of hurting him?  how dangerous that could have been...

I remember I cried when he said he loved me...and it wasn't out of joy.

It must have been sickening to see me in that state.  My mom couldn't bear it, however, her feelings tended to hit me more than michael, the one she was disgusted at, and as a result, I think I purposely denied her because her reactions hurt my feelings.  Although, she saw straight through to what I felt, and she knew I wasn't happy, just making excuses for things so I wouldn't have to make explanations for them.  Though, it wasn't her I should have trusted more, perhaps I could have let her help me...much more.  I should have relied on my instincts.

"What are you talking about, what happened?"

"Please tell me you heard about Stephen."

"...no, what about him?"

"He died...."

"..died?!"


I hear this at Cub Foods and had to stand for three hours politely asking customers whether they wanted paper or plastic.  Surreal.  I had no impulse to cry, neither was I depressed...until I got home and thought for a while...

Today wasn't bad, no low points I can remember...except maybe getting through that biology test...and realizing I have to take the SAT2 tomorrow...crap.

My Aunt Karen, Uncle John and my grandparents arrived today.  I took my nana through my school a bit, mainly the art wings, and I think she was taken with it :)  Apparently she talked for a bit with my ceramics instructor, Kevin, and, as my mom said, was pretty proficient with clay terms and had a good conversation with him.  Nana has always been artistic even though she doesn't do much art any more.  Mrs. Whipps gave her a hug. 

And so my relatives are in the living room and I'm back here...on the computer...something must be done!

Two days into the week and I've got a concussion.  There was some irony surrounding it too.  Just earlier in the day, before we went to the game, I was talking with Mrs. Whipps about school scheduals and how I can be expected to get everything done when I'm getting home at ten from volleyball.  If that stress wasn't enough...I suppose I should take it easy for now, and just accept that I took a couple days off.  But now I have to worry about work over the weekend...ah well.