Scanning the words « Do you know me?

Sunday, November 23, 2003

Scanning the words

I honestly didn't expect much when my mom said I'd gotten a letter from the school of the art institute, but apparently I was repressing my hopes :) Next minute I'm talking to my aunt Karen on the phone and she tells me there are tears in her eyes. But something about that day seems a little surreal to me now, I'm thinking I should be a little more excited than I am...and yet my mom, who screamed when I announced my portfolio was approved, has now been saying, I don't think that school's for you. *sigh*

I'm only just realizing the amount of attention my orchids need, though it doesn't annoy me in the least, I really like taking care of them :)...except for the fish emulsion...euuhhh, nasty. I'm actually using a paper towel to pick up and open the bottle, hehe, and I feel kinda stupid about that. "you'll get used to it" my mom says...though I really don't think I'd want to get used to handling fish poop every week...*shudder*

hehe, what a gardener I'd be...

Night isn't very kind to me in winter. Physically, the cough I have now suddenly gets worse and my efforts to clear my airway of mucus keeps everyone up. Emotionally...I become so distracted...even as I try to distract myself from other distractions...I get distracted. I was sitting in the living room, lying over the arms of that large chair across from my drums (a position I've easily fallen asleep in). Madame Bovary had been in front of me for at least an hour and I couldn't find a spark of concentration within me. I was itchy, the arm of the chair was suddenly hard, my legs ached, the way my clothes wrinkled beneath me was bugging me...*sigh* and every two minutes I'd realize my eyes had just been scaning over the shapes of the words. even though I hate Emma's character, it was so easy to identify with her yearnings, her fickle unhappiness..and so I'd think as I read and wonder if that meant anything about me...hehe, picture me as I was when I was carving the veins in my cabbage teapot last year...every minute or so dropping my hands and sighing. I'm not a very efficient worker, I don't think :)...or maybe I have trouble harnessing the thoughts in my head...

I

daydream

all

the

time
.
.
.

*sigh* I could explain chromosomes, mitosis, meiosis, and the cause of trisomy 21 to you, but when it comes to these fruit flies and punnet's square (something taught in what? fifth grade?), I'm pretty clueless...at least I feel that way when I'm trying to identify males and females and brushing them into separate containers to be mated with white-eyed mutants...I'm just getting direction and executing it, every so often checking to make sure Allan and Stephanie also have no clue...biologie, c'est pas mal, mais je prefere tomber l'escalier...non, pas vraiment :p

actually I do prefer to fall down the stairs

Thanksgiving vacation in TWO DAYS!! *scream* hoo boy...I've been needing this...perhaps I'll go to the mall over the vacation for some long sleeved shirts *rubs chin* as I have none...hm...

Truthfully, none of this has been on my mind as much as Sean has. I guess I could be merely feeding on my freinds' sentiments about the "unfairness" of the situation, but that wouldn't be completely true...I'm finding this hard to bear...some days I can feel an aching, at other times I'm content throughout the day, but overall my missing him hasn't waned...hardly at all..still, I think expressing feeling this way could make him uncomfortable somehow. I don't want to disturb the contentment he may have.

I'll be as optimistic as I can, I guess :)

Posted at 08:17 pm by Mowce

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